I’ve been dreaming quite a lot since arriving in Israel. I’ll be playing a bit of catch up in this post (and the dates are approximate to the day proceeding the night), though unfortunately I’ve forgotten most of my dreams that I’ve had here. In the future, I hope to record my dreams when they are fresher in my mind.
I discover my two guinea pigs that I owned in childhood. They are larger than usual, but they look sickly, starved, and ragged. One is dead, the other is lying on top of his body, breathing heavy last breaths. I remember that they were mine, and my responsibility. I realize that I had been neglecting them and letting them slowly reach this point. In my dream (and possibly also in reality*), I start to cry.
After I woke up, I kept thinking of how much things have changed over the past few years, how far I’ve departed from my childhood identity.And yet, I can still feel my conscious self at ages five, eight, eleven etc – the dreams I had, my passions, my goals – and I still feel very much the same person, if not just distracted by more things.
*While I have trouble crying in reality, I can often bring myself to cry while I dream by the events of my dream. It’s odd, but I think it’s a way for me to release a build-up of my emotions, when I’m having trouble doing so in the waking world.
I’m at a party in Pittsburgh with a smorgasburg of acquaintances from my past. I’m only visiting for a day or two, like a weekend trip, before I go back to Israel (no big deal). The girl hosting me (a girl from my high school, I can’t even remember her name) is flirting with me. I’m flattered because she is pretty and popular, but I’m not interested at all, and as she makes me more and more uncomfortable, I try to get away and do other things.
I am at an urban festival, or some kind of gathering. There are many people, but not much to see or do. I am searching for something. I pass by a group of cows, and I remember that I am looking for a baby calf. I continue searching and searching, asking others where I could find one. At the end of the road, I find myself by a river running through the city.